I'm a racist!

It's true! I judge people by their race sometimes in certain situations. 

Example: I get on a flight from LAX to DFW to make a connection to Atlanta and the guy sitting next to me turns out to be right behind me as I'm putting my stuff down. He's not just any guy though, he looks Persian, or at least Middle Eastern. Surely this is the man whose sleeper cell has been activated. Surely I'm going to be the guy he kills to frighten the other passengers into compliance. Not so fast buddy, I'm on to your game. I'm going to have to get pretty drunk for you to get the drop on me. I'm going to be the fly in your ointment. I'm your John McCain bitch. Yippee Kai Yay motherfucker. (what's the generally accepted spelling of 'Yippee Kai Yay?')

He must have sensed my catlike reflexes, my taught muscles, my steely resolve, because at some point, indiscernible to the lay person not versed in Harrison Ford thrillers or 80s action/rescue movies, he silently signaled to his camouflaged confederates in a masterly manner that alludes alliteration and their plan was put on hold. Foiled again Osama.

He did, however, cough, hack, sniff, sneeze, wheeze, and expectorate in a most disgusting and disturbing manner. Oh, and by the end of the flight I'm pretty sure he was Indian. And a frat boy.